I should probably get the crust thing out of the way up front. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t like making pie crust. It’s just not my thing. Pizza crust? Sure. Bread? Absolutely. Biscuits? Oh, hell yeah. But pie crust? No, thanks.
When it comes to pie crust, I prefer it to be made with the cold indifference of robots. Robots have no intent. They just do the same thing over and over again, with no variation. You can count on a robot—and you have to be able to count on pie crust. It’s a mission-critical component when called
upon. That’s the main reason I don’t make my own.
Now, I can make pie crust, but there’s no such thing as a foolproof recipe that assumes the human making it will do things exactly the same way every time. It also assumes zero variation in flour, fat, room temperature, timing, and whether or not Mercury is in Gatorade.
From my perspective—where intent is one of the most important ingredients in the kitchen—I can’t justify focusing on the crust when all my intent is going into the filling. It’s not that I can’t be bothered;
it’s that I only have so much Ju-Ju to spend. If I blow too much on the crust, the filling won’t get enough.
So, yeah. Robots. Ju-Ju-free pie crust that’s a little extravagant but tastes good and performs well.
Ok. That’s out of the way. Let’s talk about the pie and the video.
The pie looks amazing on camera, doesn’t it? Photogenic food. I got a lot of positive feedback on the pictures, and they are great shots. My concern is that the pie itself doesn’t quite measure up. Don’t get me wrong—it’s a damn good pie. It’s essentially cost-effective pulled pork in a portable format that looks fantastic.
To be fair, this pie started as a low-calorie, low-cost alternative to barbacoa tacos. And barbacoa is one of my favorite things in the world. Good barbacoa on a handmade, grilled corn tortilla, garnished with fresh onions, cilantro, jalapeños, salt, lime, and a creamy salsa verde? Sublime.
That’s what I eat for. That’s the celebration of functional sensuality I miss while dieting. And it makes total sense—I was eating about nine of them a week for six months straight, which is how I ended up needing the diet in the first place.
Speaking of which, I’m down 25.4 pounds in eight weeks. Doing much better this time than during the ill-fated AnotherDamnDiet. Just 45 more to go.
Back to the pie.
It was good. When I tasted it paired with the pork gravy and chicken Buldak, it was amazing. But I chalked that up to extreme hunger. (See previous diet.) Hunger, as they say, is the best sauce. But after discussing it with my son—who ate most of it—he confirmed: it was “really good.”
If I have any lingering disappointment, it’s on me. This was supposed to be a barbacoa substitute, but in my head, it morphed into a smoked beef cheek and cheddar pie in red wine gravy. And my pork pie was neither of those things.
I could have pulled it off with beef cheeks. Or oxtails. Those have the texture I wanted. But not the price. Ouch. Stupid hipsters.
The shoot itself went really well.
No technical hiccups, I remembered to turn everything on (which was huge), and I think I finally have my camera placement where I want it. I was relaxed, everything went according to plan. Planning is key in these things.
Editing it, though? Different story. I don’t love the final cut. It’s okay as far as food videos go, but I’m not thrilled with the composition. Something got lost between my editor and the final version. I shoot in 4K so I can zoom in on whatever I want, but the overhead shots still look blurry to me.
I also had to cut out the parts that make me want to make food videos. The Sweeney Todd references? Gone. The singing? Gone. I had to remove a lot of "Umms.”, which leave blank spaces - I really need to find the balance between scripted and unscripted.
I’m also torn about putting the videos behind a paywall. The recipes? No problem. But the videos are my marketing tool. I think I’ll stay the course for now, but part of me wants to make the videos free and put the outtakes and recipes behind the paywall instead.
I’ll have to think about that.
As for the next video…
I want to make stuffed pork chops, but that would be three pig dishes in a row, so I’m probably going to save that for later. Right now, I’m considering kolaches, chicken-fried steak, or apple fritters. Probably kolaches, but I keep wanting to put my own spin on them, and I’m not sure that’s appropriate.
That’s all for now. If you feel so led, go subscribe and watch the video. If not, well—maybe next time.
Until then, go cook something.
