Let the chicken seduce you with its accordion and dreamy, bedroom eyes...
Polenta Recipe
Chicken Fornicata (with Polenta) Recipe
Video and Recipes
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A friend of mine subscribed to my Patreon yesterday. It never occurred to me that anyone from my small circle of friends would be interested—let alone pay to be involved—and it means the fucking world to me. Seriously.
I haven’t talked much with them about what I’m doing, aside from asking a few technical questions and bitching about editing. I didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to fake interest. That’s the last thing I want. If my life stands for anything, it’s the free exercise of will, mutual consent, and pleasure.
Remember, this is all about being genuine. No flash—just food and whatever hijinks happen during production. Aside from the paywall (which annoys me to no end), I want my stuff to be accessible—not to the masses, but to those who truly want it. People who value my work—and, by extension, me.
That’s why I proudly remain the worst food blogger ever. I reject the SEO-driven recipe model where the food feels like an afterthought. You’ll never see third-party ads on my site because I refuse to build the infrastructure for them. I will pitch other people’s stuff eventually, if it aligns with my purpose and they pay me. I also reserve the right to use affiliate links down the line—again, only if it doesn’t compromise the integrity of what I’m doing.
Anyway. Let’s talk about “Chicken Fornicata”—the recipe and the shoot.
Some of you know the backstory. When I was kicking around ideas for “Shrimp with Benefits,” a friend jokingly suggested “Chicken Fornicata” as a cheeky alternative to “Marry Me Chicken.” It’s a great name. I was considering shooting a Coq au Vin Blanc, but then Fornicata popped into my head, and I pivoted. Did my research. That eventually led to what became “Chicken Fornicata.”
It’s an amalgam of several classic Italian dishes with a ridiculous name—kind of like a certain restaurant chain that rhymes with Schmolive Schmarden. Lame, I know.
Shit—I should’ve made breadsticks! Oh, well. There wouldn’t have been enough anyway. There never are.
The dish draws from Chicken alla Vodka, Chicken alla Diavola, Chicken Cacciatore, Saltimbocca, and even a bit of Marry Me Chicken. Like an Italian-American Voltron, it all came together—eventually.
It started out as a braise but evolved into a broil with a pan sauce—and that’s okay. I love crispy chicken skin, and texture became a focus as the dish developed.
The first test was a dud. The sauce was too tart, the chicken bland. When the highlight of the meal is the polenta, you know you’ve got a problem.
Next round, I brined the thighs for flavor, but it ruined the crispy skin. Tried marinating—too oily, and didn’t penetrate enough. Eventually, I landed on a dry rub and a rest in the fridge. That worked. It made the final cut.
I kept the polenta pretty basic, which turned out to be the right call. It served as a fluffy, neutral dispersing agent on the palate. I know that doesn’t sound sexy, but it’s how I think about these things: every component should serve the greater good of the plate.
The sauce needed real work. After messing with levels of wine, crushed tomatoes, Calabrian chili paste, and sun-dried tomatoes (yes, twice), I finally struck a balance. Cream was tricky, given the acidity, but I got it right.
The crisped prosciutto and fresh basil tied everything together. I’m still happy with the final version—no urges to tweak.
Now, the video.
It came together better than I expected, considering the chaos. Day one of filming was thrown off by a disturbing incident with my neighbors, which left me rattled. That feeling lingered for days and ended in the realization that my wife and I really need to move.
By the time I shot again, I’d already reworked the recipe a few times. The version in the video is as close to the “real” recipe as I’ve captured on film.
A little behind-the-scenes info: most food videos are bullshit. What you see on screen is often inedible and bears little resemblance to the written recipe. I try to keep mine honest. But filming a cooking demo is nothing like making dinner. I do my best—mostly because of food costs. I can’t afford to waste ingredients. So when you see me tasting the final dish and looking surprised or relieved, that reaction is 100% real. I honestly never know if it’s going to work out due to all the filming shortcuts.
Let that be a modern lesson: almost everything packaged for consumption is either a lie or seasoned with one. Nothing you see on a screen is 100% truth. I can’t demonstrate that in a video, so I’m saying it here.
A friend once told me I have a good eye for food photography. I don’t. My method is to use a few different cameras, take a hundred shots with various settings, pick the best one, and enhance it. Total bullshit.
Where was I going with this? No clue. I’ve completely lost the thread. Early-morning, mid-fifties brain fog.
Still, I’m pretty pleased with how the video turned out—surprised, even—considering the circumstances and the editing. And the dish, which started as a sarcastic joke, ended up working really well.
Not sure what the next video will be. I’m leaning toward a proper breakfast dish since I have to shoot these stupid early anyway. Time will tell. Whatever it is, I’ll start working on it May 17.
Now go cook something.
