Gumbo starts at dawn—not for the sake of gumbo itself, but for the sake of lighting and logistics.

I needed to whip up some pre-Christmas filler food for my son’s holiday visit. He crashes with us during the holidays, and we all need non-holiday prep to eat. But with only four nights together (one of which is Christmas out of town, and another being Christmas Eve for our holiday meal), the kitchen becomes Mrs. Otherdamncook’s domain starting on the 22nd. That’s when her dressing prep begins—a three-day process I absolutely respect and I need to be out of her way.

I don’t actually do much holiday food prep myself. Sure, I could, and I’m always ready to help if needed, but mostly, I hang out in my office thinking about things, running errands, or handling my own stuff.

We typically celebrate two Christmases: ours on Christmas Eve, and the second with her family on Christmas Day. For the latter, she’s always on the hook to bring fruitcake, a weird orange Jell-O salad, deviled eggs, and fudge. We used to bring more, but it was a logistical nightmare.

I have a raging boner for food safety, and keeping hot dishes out of the “time/temperature danger zone” is damn near impossible when three out of the four allowable hours are spent in the car. No one’s getting the shits from my food—not on my watch. So, we finally ditched the idea of bringing hot food for Christmas since there’s no way to keep it warm or reheat it on the other end.

This year, she stuck to the usual suspects but added a coconut chess pie to the lineup.

For our own meal, we had the traditional spiral-sliced ham, reheated to perfection as only someone with a $32,000 culinary arts degree can. She also made her dressing, creamed peas, green beans with potatoes, and deviled eggs.

That’s just for the two meals, by the way. On top of that, she baked two of her legendary fruitcakes. I insist we get one of our own because they’re expensive, bourbon-laden, and, as the kids would say, “OMG good.” I took on the fudge this year to give her a break. She helped with the dropping (you have to work fast), but I wanted to put a little extra intention into it, and the timing felt right. We’d had amazing sex that morning, the holiday spirit was sitting all over my face, and I was in the perfect headspace for “intentional cooking.” I was hoping to convey joy and goodwill with the fudge, but I accept I may have “intented” some naughty afterglow in there. I’m OK with that.

Somewhere in all this, the Lady of the Manor also managed to throw down a batch of Tollhouse cookies and these strange-but-delicious almond cookies with a Hershey’s Kiss in the center. As for me, I had some time to kill while waiting for my curbside order to be staged at Home Depot, so I made a batch of Jack Daniels-infused pralines to keep me from milling about pointlessly, checking my phone every five minutes.

The pralines turned out very well indeed. Not just the end result (which was stellar), but the whole process. I got some decent footage, learned a valuable lesson about microwaving whiskey (spoiler: don’t), and reinforced a bit of practical sugar theory that came in handy for the fudge.

If I’m being honest, I didn’t really need to make the gumbo for the Offspring. We had plenty of food on the run up to and after the holiday. I kinda made it for myself. And for this blog, of course. After a year of doing this, I think I’ve figured out how to tell the stories I want with the content I have. There’s been a lot of trial and error and plenty of outright blunders – all posted on Facetagram or YouTube for your viewing pleasure because cringe, even my own, is hilarious.

So let’s talk about my new format. I’ll get to the gumbo in another post.

After spending a year trying to figure this thing out with the goal of monetizing while retaining creative control (my soul), I’ve decided to go the Patreon route and not do the product shilling thing all the other food bloggers do. If you’ve been following this blog for any amount of time, you won’t be surprised.

The primary reason I won’t do the shilling thing is moral. I’m not going to give the impression I endorse something without actually endorsing it. In the future, I’m willing to promote products I like and actually use, but not right now. I want to focus on my core (Uh, oh. That business degree is creeping in.) and bank enough content to make paying for that content useful.

The second reason is largely aesthetic. I don’t want to alter my website to accommodate the ads. I won’t spend a lot of time on sites that load media while I’m trying to read something, it’s annoying as hell. While not thrilled with the look of my site, I’m happy enough with it to not find spending hours tweaking code desirable or valuable.

The third reason is I’m lazy. The food bloggers who go after affiliate link cash and ad revenue seem to spend all their time worried about that. If I wanted to worry about shit, I’d go get a real job. I just want to play with my food and make my videos. I obsess about enough things in my life without having to add SEO asskissery to the list. Will I miss out on a lot of potential revenue? Most certainly. But I’m not going to be held hostage by it. Those days are over for me.

Here's what to expect. Instead of posting the recipes, you’ll be getting a write up of the recipe. I’ll state what’s in it, I’ll state the methods used, but you aren’t getting quantities or step by step instructions. Not for free. Sorry. If you want those, they will be over on Patreon for a nominal fee. Probably $1.50 each or I’ll probably do a bundle for collections. Besides, if you know how to cook, you’ll be able to figure it out and make it yours. What could be more important?

If this irks you or you feel you don’t need to spend money on a recipe, I agree. Go somewhere else to find what you’re looking for. I don’t blame you. It’s your money and your time. You have the right to dispose of them as you see fit. Go in peace.

I’ll still be making videos, of course. Their whole purpose is to drive traffic over here or to my OnlyFans, um, Patreon… yes, Patreon account. There you will be able to buy the recipes or subscribe to get full on, step by step preparation of my recipes as well as any full-length videos I do, production, notes, recipe fails, et cetera. I haven’t figured out the whole structure yet, but I’m working on it.

So that’s the plan. I gotta go convert all my recipes over now. Ya’ll go cook something.