So here we are, at the beginning of Week 2. That’s means it’s time for the Week 1 wrap-up! Here are the stats: I began the week at 281.4 lbs, with a goal of keeping my intake down to 1300 calories per day and walking enough to burn on average 700 calories per day. I did very well on the calories, but not so much on the walking. As it turns out, the weather (I’m not cold tolerant.) was not conducive to walking as much as I would have liked, so I wound up averaging 394 calories burned per day leaving me with an average net calories used per day of 910. My final weight for Week 1 is 276.6, or a loss of 4.8 pounds for the week. I’ve also revised my projections based on walking half as much as I intended for the duration of the diet so my final weight, when I go into my “maintenance” period, should be 205.9 for a grand total of 75.5 pounds in 24 weeks. Doesn’t mean I won’t walk more, but if life has taught me anything it’s this: “Plan for the worst. Hope for the best.”

Things I was expecting: Dry skin. Lots of dry skin. There’s very little fat in my diet. And it's a little cold. Totally happened. Constipation or the opposite. I had neither. At least until I ate most of that cabbage the other night. That was brutal. I expected to be hungry and I have been, but it’s not been that bad. I also expected to be irritable. That's totally happened as well. I expected not to sleep well. Again, my body did not disappoint.

What I was not expecting was an overall mood change as well as a marked decline in my cognitive abilities. I’m a fucking dumbass right now. I lack focus, which is relatively normal for me, but this is amazingly bad. Likewise, my memory, long and short term is pretty much non-existent, which got me to thinking about the first time I did this. When I went from 347 to around 213, I mean. I was going back to school at the time and trying to move from worker bee status to management status. I honestly have no idea how I graduated being this dumb. And then it struck me.

I graduated because I was this dumb. Follow me here.

When cults brainwash newbs, the first thing they do is restrict their diet. They cut out all the protein to minimize aggression. They remove the carbs to deprive the brain of the sugar it uses to function. I’ve got plenty of protein going in me, but I lack carbs. Was the same back then. My aggression got me through my education and my shift into management, but my lack of cognitive abilities made that possible. I mean, sure. I was able to do the coursework just fine, my son taught me how to get though college (cooking school was different), but as a high school dropout who spent most of his professional career in a constant state of rebellion against authority, here I was not only acquiescing to authority, but signing up to be a part of it. I have very real shame.

Now looking back over the last 6 months at how my rebellious sense has returned like a long lost friend, I must concede to the possibility the dietary disruption altered my personality enough to make what I was doing not only palatable, but seem like the right thing to do. Basically, it appears possible I brainwashed myself.

I realize how that must sound. I also realize it is impossible for someone to utter the words “I’m not crazy.” without people assuming the utter-er is, in fact, batchit crazy. Nonetheless, I’m not insane, I tell you!

I know me and honestly have been wondering for several years at how my views had changed and why I felt like I had given up on everything. Then I started eating as I prefer and who I was came back. You can see a connection, right?

While I don’t think that’s the only possible explanation, I do think it’s the simplest based on given data. If I accept it as an operating premise, I can use it during this exciting six month bio-hacking exercise, by remaining cognizant of this possibility and guarding against it. Doing this web site, making the videos, writing this stuff, takes a fair amount of effort and energy. Honestly, there was at least one point last week where I was concerned I wasn’t going to be able to keep pushing on with it, but then this whole “self-brainwashing” notion struck me and well, here we are.

The longer you pay attention to this bullshit I barf out, the more you will notice I believe our minds and bodies are separate entities. I believe our bodies are just encounter suits for our consciousnesses, not really any different than my minivan is a vehicle for my body. My minivan, (“Dangervan” to its friends), may be modified within its Nature to perform in ways it was never intended to, within physical limits, of course. Our bodies are no different. If we get to know our meatsuits, and even our minds, well, we can make them do things beyond what our experience with them tells us. This is the fundamental Nature of bio-hacking. It's also how I cook.

A diet is a project, not a program. When this is over, I’ll go back to doing what I was doing, but I’ll limit it this time, going for the maximum calorie load on weekends and special occasions. Maintenance is the program, the long term work required to find the balance between my hedonistic culinary tendencies and not needing to do this again.

Do I regret having to lose all this weight again? No. Not really. I mean, sure, it’s a pain in the ass, but consider how much I’ve learned gaining all the weight. Of how much I’ve reconnected with my identity? Also, I had an amazing time.

If you had told me a year ago I’d be doing this site the other things I’m pursuing, I’d have laughed at you, mirthlessly, until you cried. I was never cool with needing to lose all the weight I did the first time; it was so empty. But, I had decided that in order to advance further in the career I never wanted in the first place, I had to get rid of who I was. I didn’t just lose my identity: I sold it out.

It took years for me to get used to the new man in the mirror and I was never that fond of him. I mean sure, the people who knew me before and after my change were impressed and regarded me with a lot more respect than anything I did before. My skills hadn't changed. Only my outward appearance and sudden adherence to their system had. Lucky for me the high regard of others isn’t really all that important to me. My high regard for me matters more. So yeah, I porked up again, but oddly enough, I have more self respect than I have had in years. A little more than is practical in order to play well with others, but I’ll temper that as necessary.

This time, I’m not losing weight, getting a degree and putting my personality on hold so I can fit in professionally. I’m doing it for the sole (soul, really) purpose of extending my time, pursing my existence, with pleasure, joy and growth as my only goals. Not just surviving, but living as much as I can. It’s a totally different spin and as such, it’s completely compatible with retaining my self respect. It doesn’t pay the bills, though. That’s a bit of problem, but I’ll work that out. Which means it’s time to take this back around to food and this blog.

I was very pleased with the braised cabbage I filmed this week. I served it with diet pork schnitzel. The schnitzel prep was intended to be videographed as well, but sometimes the technologically inept spirit of my mother possesses my body and do dumb things. Early in the prep, I pressed the record button twice instead of once which means the subsequent press stopped recording what I intended to film while the next press was 10 minutes of nothing except the sounds of me chopping and washing things and yelling at the dog. This happened several times. In the end, it turned out for the best as neither the schnitzel, nor the cabbage looked good on the same plate. German food is ugly. Fortunately, the wife loves the schnitzel, so it will come around again.

I ate a lot of diet tacos this week which aren’t really a recipes, per se. I mean yeah, there stuff that goes in them, but hard to show in a video. Oh! I did try these fish tacos which were unbelievably bad! They were pre-seasoned tilapia fillets that came in at 110 calories for 4 ounces at my local grocery store, so I bought and cooked a pound.

It’s worth mentioning that when a grocery store pre-seasons meat and puts it on sale, it’s gone woofy and if freshness is important to you, keep shopping. I proved that point, but I ate it anyway as I spent the money and that’s commitment. It won’t happen again.

The pork tenderloin I did the first part of the week was decent, though a bit overcooked. Again, not a lot of recipe there. Pork tenderloin. Garlic. Salt. Pepper. A little sage, some smoked paprika. Cook it properly. Rest it. Slice it. Done.

As to the web site, I wasn’t originally going to use one of those recipe management addins for WordPress as they were a bit tedious last time I used them. They’ve since improved a great deal and should help me out for the socials, so here I go. I’ll start adding recipes as I can. I can still post the shortcode at the top of each entry and retain my commitment to keeping recipes at the top of the page so you don't have to wade through some bullshit story designed to keep you on the page longer.

This week’s meals are going to be leftover diet meatloaf (my wife’s meatloaf so I won’t be posting it here) tacos, probably Smokey Mole Chicken Tacos tomorrow, or omelets, depends on the wife. Wednesday should be this curried eggplant thing and more cabbage. Not braised this time.

I’m relying a little more heavily on packaged food than I had originally planned. As previously mentioned, I think, my wife is on a different diet than mine and while there is some overlap, she wouldn’t have eaten the fish tacos, regardless of how much we paid for them. What that means is, because her intake is limited, she would prefer to eat something that satisfies her instead of just eating. I respect that. It’s just hard to plan around. So the eggplant this week was going to be a diet version of one of my all-time favorites, Eggplant with Garlic Sauce, but she saw this pouch of curry stuff and well, she lives here, so I have to respect her wishes. Eggplant with Garlic Sauce will come a different day.

I'll prep the mix as directed and review it on the Youtubes.

Cheers.